#54- Depressed

There is no way i could possibly describe my feelings to you all,
For even i do not understand,
How could I be in such a state,
All because of failed plans,
I try not to write too self indulgently,
yet today i find myself worriedly off,

OFF? you say…

Yes … OFF…..

..off my food,
And off my life,
It’s makes no sense,

All i ever wanted was to make a menze,
Once my life with a big fat nothing,
I don’t want it to be that way again,

I am but a pretty face,
Chasing life and people,
Chasing a chance to know more,
To hold the door,
To swing it open,

But it’s firmly rusted shut,
Just a small slither to grasp onto,
Frantically trying to pry it open,
It wont budge,

None of them will,
Like a blockage in my brain,
I’m trying to go past it,
Around it,
Over,
But it stares back at me with every turn,

I am hurt,
I am worse,
Depressed and thus it all stings,
even when i sing,
I’m crying,

I shouldn’t be,
All i ever wanted for me,
Was to be happy,

But i guess happiness comes,
And happiness goes,
That WE should all feel some amount of sorrows,

Crying myself a river,
I only wonder,
What hell my mind will create next,

Depression is both,
Life and death,
Having a conversation in your mind,
Stabbing at your soul,
Goading you into irrational thought,
Trying to soothe you,

Worried,
This self indulgence has gone too far,
But i must suffer it,
from sun rise till the night is finally dark.

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