#67 – Grieving Noel

Grieving,

Grieving is hard to explain,
To express what pain your are feeling,
Peeling away layers of memories,
Layers of moments,
Layers of time,
Layers of spaces shared,
All that was cared for and more.

Grieving,
How do you explain,
To a friend who has pushed you away,
But loves you still,
The chill as they try to comfort and be,
There,
It’s not fair,
But I cant bare the stare of him any longer,
I flinch,
I wince and,
I wish I didn’t feel this way any longer,
Angry,
But grieving,

Grieving is remembering the person lost,
But not forgotten,
Grieving is about writing them notes,
Birthday messages,
Buying flowers and leaving them places,
Or spaces they had been before,

What if it was to be,
That they weren’t a hop, skip and a jump away from your door,
When a plane is vital,
And money is the key to its door,
Yet you don’t posess any,
Not any more,
Because you have nothing now,
No job,
Which you lost,
No university,
Which they dropped you from,
No purpose,
All the time,
Why can’t I reach,
Or someone take pity on my life,
All I want right now is to fly,

Grieving,
Is an ugly mess of snot and tears,
Of navigating your worst fears,
Its loss,
Its pain,
Its damage to the brain,
Its hiding in bed,
It’s pretending that they aren’t dead,
Its wearing black,
Its singing in the back kitchen,
It’s blue,
It’s final,
Its death,

And death,
Death takes you in his arms,
I pray that she,
Is sleeping,
Peacefully,

Beautiful Noel,

A sun is gone,
But the stars have you,
My American dolly,
I will always miss you.

But right now im grieving.

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