she stood tall with the shotgun in her hand. “put it down now or I’ll blow your brains in” she screamed. The burglars froze still clutching a couple necklaces, a tv and some medals. “now hen, ye dinnae want tae dae anyhin rash… just calm doon”. The lady in her nighty growled, pointed the gun at the foot of the guy holding the medals and let off a shot that just skimmed his toes; he shat himself. The smelt was a rancid ugly dribble and everyone could feel it happening. The guy holding the necklaces slowly put his hawl down and slowly backed away “am sorry lady a didnae- I- I shouldnae be here. I apologise” the tubby man turned and scampered off with a bit of a wobble. The guy with the tv had the same idea, however he wanted to keep his prize but the woman with the gun which happened to be an AA-12 auto shotgun from his perception had already aimed it at him with full intention. “err.. I see you’re quite good with that. How about I put this down and get out of your hair. its for the best… and here I’ll leave the tags too”. The moment she spotted the dogs tags she blasted the doorway with several rounds while he screamed for his mum in the most english of accents.The guy holding the medels, curled up in the fetal position still covered in his shit lay on the plush blue carpet sobbing. “it wisnae my idea, I didnae ken. im sorree… tell ma wife a luv her. ”

The lady in her nighty, who had chased off all her would be burglars and reclaimed her things got down on her knees to pick up the medals. “These were the only thing in the house you couldn’t take without a fight. Only these. you could’ve took everything just not these. You see my husband was a brilliant man and we made an exceptional daughter whom would just be insensed if she knew that both their legacys had been stolen. More than likely she would have hunted you down with her smarts and training, strung you up then put you in a cell for life. No wife, no kids just four plain walls and a concrete bed. If my husband were alive he would’ve just shot you dead. now, how lucky and generous do you consider me now? hrmm?”

The man in shit still quivered. “Here, take these and sort yourself out. Don’t see those two again ever and cherish what you have left” She threw some old jeans, a towel and socks at him. “There’s a wee shower gel in there too and deodorant. Now get out of my house!”. He carefully scraped himself from the floor, mumbled a thank you and ran for the door. Later he would get himself a tesco bathroom to clean up in.

Catherine placed the medals back where they belonged, kissed a photograph good night, put the AA-12 back in its hiding place and slid back into bed to dream about her last love. Her other half, spooning with her in spirit and giggling at her for scaring three grown men away with reasonable force. She smiled warm with the thought and memory of his smell still on his pillow that she hugged tight ever night.

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