Confident

Unimportant,
That’s how i felt,
Like an inanimate object,
Pretty but non essential,

I had potential,
but couldn’t believe in me,

When the world around me,
threw emotional bombs,
i was there,
empty looking out on them all,
wondering not if it’s my fault,
but why they do it?,

I was free,
alone,
in my room or,
at my mother’s side,
I grew needing no-one else,
I couldn’t understand,
why,
a stranger would care about me,

The older i became,
I filled out,
like hand blown glass,
by an apprentice,
a couple weeks into the job,

School was a wash of mindless assassins,
waiting to strike out,
for my uncontrollable indiscretions,
minds small,
and empty,
I stood out like a sore thumb,
hair a shock of gold,
and eyes like jade tumble stones,
Sometimes i would pretend to be sick,
stay home, alone,
in my room,

High school was a mess,
a fresh start at best,
nope,
foiled,
like a prank life had played,

Dances came,
I would remain in the corner,
alone,
boys and girls,
they were made for each other,
or at least for school dances,
and fast romances,
but not for me,

I was blind to any interest,
thinking i knew best,
who would be interested in me?,
I confess,
i was suspicious at best,
if it was a play,
a sick joke,
some charade,
that would leave me burnt,
but not broken,

No stick or stones can hold me,

As life moved on,
i held on to that belief,
till it struck me,
do you KNOW how beautiful you are?
what you CAN do?
no no it’s not true,
but it is,
miss,

Really i wish,
that i had summoned this sooner,
several relationships,
two children,
and a few dozen life changes later,
I am a practical theater,
displaying stories,
emotive consequences of old age,
and older still,

I am more confident,
than i have ever been,
Like moving pictures on a screen,
I only get better.

I matter,
like a real life,
wandering the virtual reality of ourselves,
pondering,
all the content that came before,
theorizing the how, what and when,
but more importantly,
why,
why,
why,
of everything,

There’s beauty in that,
that need to question,
I am those questions come to life,
inside,
and out,
i remain pretty,
without a doubt,
Confidently believing in my own,
self doubt,
ignoring what is seen as normal,

I stick out like a sore thumb,
with my hair a lengthy dirty gold,
my eyes now emeralds set into a porcelain face,
My figure now an hour glass,
changing to the hands of time,
I have never fit in,
but i am confident that doesn’t matter,
My worth is great,
and no one will debate that,

I was created different,
I accept it,
with Confidence.

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