i just,
have to,
say that,
i am,

Very lonely.

I do not know,
what makes me smaller,
or myself?

But i am lonely.

We talked about female writers today,
the poets who took their lives,
and my tutor joked at me,
he said,
‘Lauren dont do it’,
i was horrfied,
because i wont,

though my brain snatched it,
clung to the idea,
the notion,
and my past thoughts,
about swimming in a ocean,
where i cannot breathe,
i do not,
i never see,
where it is only a physical end to me,

i should not weep,
why would someone make such a joke?,
or is it just me?

Am i too brittle,
too sick to see,
that living is whats best for me,
and that i should not take it too seriously,

it makes me see though,
that am i not truly fixed,
that i need,
that i want,
that i am lonely,

yet i must go on,
hiding behind a muted mask,
as the tears drip from its chin,
absorbing into my skin,
for no-one notices,
why should they?

I have only myself,
to hold to responsibility,
to change and makes the waters calm,
today is just a bad day,
its only temporary,
i should be contrary,
and feel blessed for what i have,
not worry about what i don’t,

i try,
but i know,
deep down,
that i am lonely,
very lonely.


8 thoughts on “Lonely

Add yours

  1. It is a mystery how sometimes we can feel lonely even when we are surrounded by people. Take a breath. Now take another breath. You are loved. You are wanted. You are special. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Now put a smile on your face 🙂 Hold your head high and show your world who is boss!

    Liked by 1 person

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