It’s been almost 3 weeks since I quit smoking Cannabis or weed. In combination with that, tobacco. I was never big on smoking cigarettes, they seemed pointless to me but when combined with that gorgeous bud, it just made everything more tolerable. And cheaper. What was I tolerating though? Was it my life? The never ending story of political comedy that had stop being funny? or just everything that I couldn’t look in the eye?
I am saying this as if I had something to hide from, and the answer is partly, yes. I was hiding from the me that wanted to do great things but couldn’t reconcile with all the negative, ill-wills or bad in the world. The great evils that make a person wonder if life is worth it? On the other hand, I was just trying to function without being too much of myself. I don’t drink, so my vice was something else. Everyone had a vice of sorts. So I let myself think it was fine. And it is, just in moderation. I used to only smoke socially, or have one or two a week but it became pretty much every day and I realised what I was doing. Horrified, I wanted to let go but I couldn’t because I had already spent this money, there was still a gram or two left in my box with half a pack of cigs. Kept telling myself that I would indeed get rid of it when I got to the end. I did try this a few times but failed, till I really sat and thought about what this is doing to my life. Where I could end up.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being high, as in so far as it makes me giggle. Depending on who is around I can freely crack jokes, hit the munchies and IF it happens, have more intense sex.
But as I have found out, when you get older, sex is maybe once or twice a year. I’m not even married or in a relationship for that matter.
What really got me, was thinking about how I have seen some people in my life pass on from one thing or another. I don’t want that for myself, not any time soon.
So my box is empty, there are no extra long rolling papers, no cigs, no baggy of weed and my ‘guy’ will be wondering where I have disappeared too. I was around a friend the other day who lit on up in front of me, I could tell it was skunk or something similar because it invaded my nostrils and I nearly wretched. I covered my mouth with my scarf, I could not stand it, he looked at me as if I was mental because we used to smoke together. No, no I didn’t like it at all. My symptoms of withdrawal are very clear; I am experiencing stress, bits of anxiety, HIGHLY LUCID and volatile dreams, better lung capacity plus higher productivity. Especially in the case of my writing. Feeling weak or drained Is very common at the moment, while feeling like I am riding on the tip of a Tsunami of emotions is all too common. In fact it gets a little bit much at times, and I am having to deal with all these changes plus university. I’m probably nuts for quitting when I did but it was now or never.
I haven’t told anyone apart from two people by the time I have written this post, and hopefully by the time it is published I am still sober as hell with less of the negative symptoms I have mentioned above.
I am doing this for me, I feel like announcing it to the world far too early will only hurt my chances of success. I have exams coming up and I am desperate to get my grades up. I want to go places. To live and be happy. Something has to give, and this is one of them.
My advice to anyone doing the same; Weed can make you dumb if you abuse it. If you are putting more than a gram in to your joints, you are abusing. IF you are smoking everyday, you are abusing. IF you are telling yourself it is ok, and you will live to an old age, then you are abusing. IF you are paranoid, anxious and your neck feels like someone has clamped a vice around it, then you are abusing. If you have no motivation, no will to reflect on yourself or be around the people you love, then you may well be abusing. You are not only abusing the drug but yourself. STOP, and take a break to see who you truly are without it.
I know its like letting go of a crutch or riding a bike without the stabilisers but you just have to try, and if you can’t then you can’t. IF you can, the DO!
This is a couple weeks in, I hope in maybe a month or two I can say I am still sober or healthier in respect to my choice.
Thanks for reading.
(p.s; If you disagree with anything I have said then please do tell me why. Be nice and lets discuss. IF you liked this and or have the same experiences as myself then put it down in the comments. As always I am open to hearing others out and learning from them. Thank you)