ok, so here I am going to start writing about the progress of my next book.
Which is, stalling, more so because I have come to re-read a lot of pre-written material I have done over the past year or so. I am finding the task difficult as these poems/writings, are FULL of super deep and sensitive materials. Not enough to make up a conspiracy but enough to give pause for thought.
This book is a sharp contrast to the previous, where as the first was rather light, the second will be a heavy read probably requiring tissues. My problem being that I do not want to ‘Break’ my audience as it were. Emotion in poetry is important but not everything and with some degree, when you drown in it you can become it.
Last year was incredibly difficult for me to get through with the sudden death of my step-father and the grotesquely dramatic knock on effect it had on not only me but everything around me. The world was dirt, it was cold, it was untrustworthy and I loathed it in my sadness no matter how I tried to keep myself busy. It shines through in my writing, and self consciously, more over selfishly, I don’t want to let anyone see it. My insanity. BUT that doesn’t mean I SHOULDN’T. I wrote it to be read, to be connected with so that someone out there could have their lightbulb moment of ‘I am not alone”. OR ‘what I am feeling is real not just happening to me but to everyone”. Things like that.
Its hard to write a book when you have nothing. Its harder when you have everything but your own human self with all it’s ‘God-given’ shame just wants to pretend it isn’t real, its a fantasy and you should bloody well keep stumph because someone will consider you unhinged.
Unhinged, I guess I was. Perhaps I am still am.
Book 2 will be one of the hardest things I write till I come to book 3 and 4…. to wherever I stop. IF I stop.
I WILL get this done somehow, until then, I will DREAM ON.